Dear Jude,
This time a year ago, you had just been born. All 5lb 1oz of you... with your amazing mullet!
You were tiny and cold and couldn’t regulate your body temperature without help. You were hypoglycaemic and needed help to boost your blood sugars immediately. Although you weren’t the tiniest baby, you were the tiniest that either me or your Daddy had ever seen.
You seemed so vulnerable - yet so strong and determined all at the same time - a trait that has stayed with you every day since.
You see, you had battled to get here my beautiful boy, and once finally nestled in the womb, you had hung in there for (almost) 9 months despite a few scares and my waters breaking early. You had stopped growing and seemed to instinctively know that you had to be out and in our arms.
You are the most determined little soul and I am sorry I ever doubted your strength - but I did, many times over, although at the root of it was always my fear that I would never get to be a mother. Yet here I am. I am the mother of a bright, funny and adventurous little boy who gives the most wonderful kisses and cuddles. One who loves to read stories with your Mama, shares toys with Mabel (and behind the radiator) listens to nursery rhymes with Grandma and laughs so much playing silly games with your Daddy.
Thank you for making me a mother Jude - and thank you for making me yours.
I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t know what to make of you at first.You were so, so wanted and yet the years of disappointment and the months of anxiety which preceded, made their effects clear in those moments following your birth. I was also incredibly tired! You were here at last and you were safe, but I had been trying to steel myself for the worst.
So, while we did have some skin to skin cuddles directly after you entered the world, it took me a while before I could look at you. Before I could really look at you, and take in your tiny, perfect features. I think I was afraid of how fiercely I already loved you.
And I do love you, and I am so very proud of the wonderfully brave, and mischievous boy you are becoming.
In your first year, you have grown from a tiny sleepy dot into a complete whirlwind of a boy. You eat grown up food, you have taken your first steps and you even say a few words. Your first was ‘hello’ and your second was ‘book’ which always makes me smile. It’s gone by so fast and sometimes I don’t know how it happened but here we are and just look at you Jude, our wonderful little miracle.
I hope you have fun at your birthday party today. You won’t remember it, but I want you to know that you were surrounded by those who adore you and want to wish you all the very best. You also had dinosaur balloons and a dinosaur cake!
This year has been the most amazing journey - one which has pushed me to my limits and taught me about the purest, most unconditional love there is. Your second year will be a huge adventure for all of us... so what do you say - are you ready to let the fun begin? I know I am. Let’s bring it on, hey?
Your Mama, always xxx
